Theological Thought

Discipleship vs Friendship - Part IV: Isn't this So Elitist?

In the first 3 in this series of posts, I have argued that we need to retain the concept of Christian discipleship, rather than replace it with a call to form friendships, or spiritual friendships, instead.  This is because the modern institution of friendship is a poor vehicle for sharing the good news of Christianity.  The ancient ideal of friendship, on the other hand, was a given for Jesus and Paul and thus animated their discipleship of the 12 disciples and of Timothy.  We need to relearn the ancient ideal of friendship, which was based on virtue and requires virtue in order to form true friendship, for this is the type of relationship called upon by Jesus to spread his teachings.

But the classical insight that friendship requires virtue strikes many as elitist.  Can only virtuous people, or those seeking virtue, experience true friendship?  Can virtuous people only be friends with other virtuous people?  The disparity in virtue is a central obstacle and dilemma in the classical notion of friendship and is addressed by Aristotle.   It is my argument that the answer to the questions above is Yes, however the response of virtuous people to the obstacles this poses to true friendship is what matters.  For Aristotle and Jesus, this response is different.

Discipleship vs Friendship - Part III: What Classical Writers Can Teach us About Friendship

In the previous two posts in this series, I reviewed the desire of many Christians to ditch discipleship for friendship, or, spiritual friendship.  I argued that this is a bad idea, for Christian discipleship is nothing like friendship today, however it is very much like the ancient institution of friendship.  Modern friendship is a "distraction, something quite marginal" according to CS Lewis, and is unsurprisingly rarely the cause of real personal transformation anymore.  I then traced the denigration of modern friendship to Christian teachings that call us to focus our hearts on love for humanity and for family, such that the exclusive, private attachments of friendship appear suspicious, insignificant and good for only a diversion.

So what was ancient friendship all about?  Friendship was the subject of treatises by Plato, Aristotle, Cicero, Epicurus and Seneca.  Throughout these classical texts, and articulated most fully by Aristotle, one finds the central classical insight into friendship that is lost today: true friendship requires virtue, and only to the extent that a person is virtuous can that person experience true friendship.

Discipleship vs Friendship - Part II: Why Christians are Often Lousy Friends

In Part I of this series of posts on discipleship and friendship, I described the desire of many Christians to replace discipleship with friendship or, as many say, spiritual friendship.  Pitting discipleship against friendship, I wrote, is misleading, since there is a big, big difference between modern friendship and premodern friendship, as CS Lewis attested to.  Discipleship is much more like ancient friendship, whereas modern friendship is, well, that's the subject of this post - Why Christians are Often Lousy Friends.

The sorry state of friendship in modern times is, sadly, one of the unintended consequences of Christianity.  It is a sad irony that the type of relationship Jesus called upon to spread his teaching is precisely the relationship that was crippled by subsequent Christian teachings.  Jesus never wrote anything nor did he tell anyone else to write anything down and he spent little time talking to large groups of people.  He spent most of his time investing in a small group of people, to whom he told at the end of ministry, "I no longer call you servants, I have called you friends."  When he finished his time with his friends he told them to "Go and make disciples".

Putting Politics before Discipleship

Is there a ministry or charity that you know of that does wonderful work?  One with passionate vision, low overhead, and a focus on results and changed lives?  FamilyLife is one of those ministries. Via marriage conferences and studies for small groups, FamilyLife provides resources for couples to invest in their marriage whether couples are days from divorce or happily-married for 50 years.  Veronika and I have invested in our marriage by attending 3 of these conferences and leading FamilyLife small groups.  There is probably a FamilyLife marriage conference coming to your town in the next couple months, and if you are married or engaged, I can't encourage you more to invest in your marriage by checking the schedule and discussing it with your spouse.

FamilyLife is also an example, I believe, of a ministry that has decided to weigh in on political matters at the expense of its core, person-to-person ministry of discipling couples.  It's not that the quality of their core ministry is compromised by their entry into the political realm; rather, the number of people who would ever dream of walking through the front door of a FamilyLife conference is diminished to only those on the same side of the political fence as FamilyLife.

Discipleship vs Friendship - Part I: Intro

Discipleship is not a broadly popular concept in Christianity. The word conjours up images of aggressive evangelization techniques, or of Christians who befriend non-Christians solely because of an agenda to disciple them. "I think friendship should be about sharing your life with others," discipleship's detractors say, "not seeking friendship just so you can change someone."